Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
