i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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