Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
