My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
