take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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