saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
