at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize