I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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