So drunk its hurt
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
