yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
