I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
