Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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