Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
