I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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