Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
