i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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