he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
please come you make the beer taste better
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
