you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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