So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
