I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
