I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
