theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
