Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
