I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
