Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
