it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
