so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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