shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
