you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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