I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
