Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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