Define "chronic" masturbator.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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