Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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