I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
