I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
