yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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