I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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