his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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