North Korea, Best Korea!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize