He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
