Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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