her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
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