just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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