I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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