I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so let's talk penis.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Randomize
