I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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