i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
