Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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