Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
