i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
