i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
