He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
