My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
