before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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