it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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