Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
