he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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