Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
