she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize