Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
