dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
