my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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