New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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