I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize