i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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