we're chasing vodka with high fives
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
