Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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