I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
